You know those times when you just need to vent to a person and have them listen? I had that kind of day today, except I couldn't get anyone to simply listen; it was either the person would offer some generic advice like "it will pass" or "I'm here for you...blah blah".
Ok now I sound ungrateful. I'm definitely not, and I love all my friends and family who say those things just the same. But sometimes, I just need listening and no advice.
I found out today the balance I owe on my student loans and basically felt depleted. Because I am, monetarily. I began to think about how I could never have children with James because of my fears of raising children without being able to afford them. As a child, my parents struggled with money and I was in constant fear for them and our family. I never want this for our children.
Let me explain to you that I am the type of person who DREADS with a passion checking their bank account balance. I'm pretty sure I live in fear of numbers. Ridiculous. Paying my car payment each month keeps me up at night, and even the thought of making a GIGANTIC payment to my student loans kills me a little bit. LOANS, not loan. ugh. Note to self, teach kids (if you have them) to do better than self with money when in college/life/etc.
So I did what any logical person would do, I began to think of every possible way to get myself out of paying and every pay-it-back quickly method. Of course my ideas are limited, and rules and regulations still apply to me, unfortunately. I will post some of my ideas for fun.
1) cut back on everything, no fun allowed.
2) work like a crazy person
3) win the lottery (pretty sure my odds of paying back my loans in full has better odds)
4) Find a career (maybe this IS crazy with an undergrad degree?)
5) sell my car and anything of value, yard sale!
6) get crafty with whatever I have laying around and sell it on etsy. scratch that when you realize you have to pay the site to sell things.
7) pray for a miracle
8) Buy and resell items...ummm
Basically my only realistic idea seems super unrealistic and not fun. My idea is to get a job that pays at least $30,000 per year; pay back $20,000 per year or more and survive off of James' income until everything is payed off. Doable, yet not satisfying. This basically means a commitment of no fun, no road trips, no buying of new or used things, and working to live for later. Okay, I could probably pray for a miracle but I always want to control my situations with my ideas, right now. I need to learn some patience, self-control, and trust.
Lesson of life thus far; life is hard, and there has to be balance. And balance starts with allowing Jesus into all parts of my life.
Speaking of Jesus. He's pretty good at listening, providing, caring, and offering lots of love and grace. Jesus, please deliver me of this worry, and later of my debt. Please provide me with a job that is sufficient enough.
Cast your cares on the Lord
and he will sustain you;
he will never let
the righteous be shaken. Psalm 55:22
and he will sustain you;
he will never let
the righteous be shaken. Psalm 55:22
What does it even mean to sustain a person?
Sustain:
verb (used with object)
2.
to bear (a burden, charge, etc.).
3.
to undergo, experience, or suffer (injury, loss, etc.); endurewithout giving way or yielding.
4.
to keep (a person, the mind, the spirits, etc.) from givingway, as under trial or affliction.
5.
to keep up or keep going, as an action or process: to sustaina conversation.
Thank you, online dictionary. Wow, Jesus you are willing to do this, for me? Incredible.
or how about this one?
Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
He CARES for you. Unlike those debt collectors.
